ISP, Week 3

Another week down. Only 13 days to go until the biggest test of my life.

This week was a little rough. I have finally hit a point in my studying that I have learned SO MUCH in such a short amount of time that I'm starting to make good connections, but I'm also starting to get everything jumbled. I feel like I am forgetting a lot that I learned the first few weeks, which is quite frustrating. But, I know it all has to be in my brain somewhere and I have almost two more weeks to get it all straight.

This week, I debated for a while whether or not to take an NBME. I knew that I should, but I just had such a bad feeling about it. I was not feeling well about studying and I was starting to feel depressed...but in the end I knew that I would regret not taking one. Last week, I had gone up 31 points from my start and was at a score that I would be legitimately happy to get on the real deal. So, I was hoping to simply maintaining that score. This week, I felt myself struggle when I was taking the exam and marked a ton of questions that I second guessed myself on, but I tried my best. And again, I surprised myself! I went up another 14 points (for a total of up 45 points from the start). I have beyond surpassed any score that I thought I was able to achieve when I first started my study period.

While I am really happy with how my Step 1 studying is going so far, I know that I need to stop second guessing myself and have more confidence. I know that I am capable of doing well, but I seem to always shoot myself down. I think this is common for medical students, especially those that are studying for Step 1. Its so easy to compare yourself to other people who are studying other things or using different methods and think that you are doing every thing wrong. Its easy to compare yourself to students who seem to have it all together. Its easy to start to feel depressed or feel inadequate when you are surrounded by other students that for some reason seem to know everything that you don't.

I know that I need to just put my blinders on for the next two weeks and keep doing what I'm doing. I am improving. I am doing well. There is no reason to feel inadequate. I just have to get through the next two weeks...